He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
