but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
