Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
one might say we're banned from that church
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
