This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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