Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Vodka?
Forever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
