why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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