I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
