before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
