It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
