it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
