Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
