could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
