We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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