the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
