if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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