This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
