If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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