If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she smelled like a LAN party
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
