So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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