She is in my trunk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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