you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
not ubering you a puppy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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