I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
