I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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