one word: firstdatebathroomanal
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm passing your future prison.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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