woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
