I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
