HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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