Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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