what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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