All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
