you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
