My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Houston, we have a blender
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
