we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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