I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
