CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
