Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
