Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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