There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
