Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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