Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
