I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
