You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
