I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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