READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
