Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
