so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
