I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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