Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
