He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
