bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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