it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
