Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
