You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
