I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
