The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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