Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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