we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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