Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
