Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
