Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
