They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
