Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
