This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
