halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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