so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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