my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
