Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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