mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
