You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize