I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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