he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
