He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
