I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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