I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
