Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
