the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
