If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
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Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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