He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
