Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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