Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
