Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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