I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sext me about skeletons
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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