he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
