My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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