i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish there were birth control emojis
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
