she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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