At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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